Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part Three

Coming to the Aid of all Waitresses, Everywhere

Peace Officer Sonny Bonds had just disappointed a Heterosexual Female when he gets another call:

The plague of every dashing attractive homosexual cop, women can’t get enough of them. What a heartbreaker!

Sonny heads back to Carol’s

Where he finds the problem:

Sonny heads inside to talk to Carol:

(a little more of the resentment Jim Walls channelled into his video game)

On the way over to Wino Willy’s:

“Did I do that?”

As soon as Sonny walks into the bar:

Sonny approaches the bar and the presumed leader of this motorcycle gang:

move bikes

ask nicely

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!

Okay, next time we’ll just be a dick to these assholes:

use nightstick

We all know who has the bigger “stick” here, don’t we boys? You may now retreat in shame… so much shame…

Once all the ruffians are gone:

ask drugs

Being the nice guy he is, Sonny drops some info on Sweets:

Outside, Sonny notes that the gang has left:

GADD (Gays Against Drunk Driving)

And it’s back to patrolling for Officer Bonds… When he spots in the suburbs:

Sonny hits the sirens and eventually (I died so many times running after this guy, driving with the arrow keys isn’t always easy) pulls the car over:

Sonny gets out of his car and approaches the perp:

Sonny asks him to get out of the car:

look man

give field test

cuff man

“Hell no! Do I look like I just got off the turnip truck”

If we had cuffed him with his hands in front that last screen is where the drunk would slam his fists into the back of Sonny’s head, ending the game.

Once we’ve got the drunk into our patrol car we head for Lytton City Jail (which is on D2, I think. Check the map readers!)

Behind Bars

Sonny goes to the door, opens a locker, and deposits his pistol inside before buzzing into the jail:

“Nice digs.”

book man

drunk driving

As we’re leaving the Jail:

I dream of NARC

Laura has good news for Sonny:

The Jailor though shakes Sonny from his dreams of wearing pleated khakis and polo shirts to work:

(Dooley is the squad or shift sergeant. He’s the guy who gave us our orders at the morning meeting)

He also might be hot for Sonny… Double secret forbidden love! Sonny grabs his gun on his way to the Police Station:

(Ohhhh! It was D3! So close… the Police station is just north of this on C3)

before he can exit his car Sonny has to put back his nightstick back somewhere in the patrol vehicle and then he heads in:

write memo

put memo in basket

With dreams of “dressing casual” dancing in his mind Sonny goes to see what Dooley wants… a promotion? A clandestine rendezvous? performance review?

Find out next time!

Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part Two

Coffee? COFFEE!

When last we left Peace Officer Sonny Bond he had just received a radio transmission from fellow Officer, Steve McStevedotter, who wanted to meet up with Sonny at Carol’s. Seeing as doing his job is almost always as a secondary duty to Officer Bond he heads that way now:

Carol’s is just west of where we were and Sonny is there pretty quick:

Maybe a little too quickly? Let’s try that again!

“Come on!”

Okay, this time Officer Bond obeys all traffic laws and manages not to crash into the back of another car:

Sonny takes a look over the menu:


I think we’ll stick to coffee. Sonny takes a seat across from Steve and tries to strike up a conversation:

Steve seems incapable of talking about anything but the weather… One wonders why he even called me here? Carol eventually arrives with my coffee:

drink coffee

Patrolling

Steve and Sonny go back to not talking. In the background the phone rings:

Oh, Steve wasn’t so much wanting to talk to us as the writer of this game couldn’t think of a better way to deliver this bit of information:

use phone

Sonny tries one last time to strike up a conversation with Steve:

*sigh*

With nothing else to do at Carol’s and with some small part of the story having been dribbled out, we leave. Sonny hits the almost perfect grid-like streets of Lytton:



The life of a Police Officer seems to consist of wasting gas, mostly.

Hot Blooded

While cruising the mindnumbingly similiar suburbs of Lytton:


“I did see it!”

F10

F10 turns your sirens on and Sonny is in hot pursuit!

That last bit of commentary is provided by the game unsolicited. I don’t want to think that the creators were being classist, sexist and bitter… But it kinda seems that way!

use radio

Sonny walks over to the car and looks in:

look woman

Hahahah! Your efforts are wasted stunningly beautiful 16-bit 2d woman! Peace Officer Sonny Bonds loves no woman!

But! If he was heterosexual:

get number

FUN FACT: The heterosexual male will do just about anything for, as you call it, “torrid sex.”

Hetero Daydreams

With the young lady’s number in his mitts Sonny heads to the closest phone he knows of (how did people live before cell phones?):

hi sexy

Hetero’s never win (except for all that stuff that they do!) Back to Gay Sonny:

“Miss, please stop. Your feminine charms are wasted on me. Now if you weighed about a hundred pounds more and had a mustache. I might be interested. License please.”

“Afraid not Miss. I’m going to have to write you a ticket”

Sonny hands back her license and the ticket to sign:

give ticket

“Stick and stones, Ma’am. You have a good day!”

Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part One

Welcome to the LPD

Now figure it out yourself!

Police Quest begins in the central room of the Lytton Police Headquarters. That’s us, Sonny Bonds, standing there stupidly.

Not that informative. Let me fill you in the top barred window is evidence the top right door leads to the briefing room, the bottom right leads to the locker the top left door leads somewhere, I forget… Anyway as a closeted homosexual Sonny hits up the lockers first:

Continue reading “Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part One”

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