Cataloging the Detritus of my Life
turn the key
back
and again
pull it out
breath
walk away
one step
two step…
three.
put the key in
turn the key
back
and again
pull it out
breath
walk away
one step
two step…
three.
put the key in
turn the key
back
and… wipe the
tears out of
my eyes…
again
pull it out
breath
walk away
one step
two step…
three.
put the key in…
So, here we are in the middle of February and my meditation habit forming goal lies in tatters around me. I’ve done it a grand total of 5 times since Jan. 20th which isn’t a stellar performance, and definitely not enough to form an actual habit. So where do I go from here? The important thing is not to get disappointed and give up. Self Improvement is a good thing and we all should be working on ourselves… If religion has given us anything good, it is the desire to better ourselves and those around us. Back on topic! What do I do now then? I’m not giving up on the Zen meditation, I’m going to continue trying to do it in the morning, but I’m thinking it will go on the back burner while I finish some other important things, and work on easier habits to form…
So what does that mean for you my beloved readers? it means expect more writing here, or less. One of the habits up on the block is writing daily. This can take the form of blog posts, creative writing, or professional writing. Another is waking up at the same time everyday. I’m thinking 8:30 AM or 9:00 AM. But that might need to be earlier I also need to do a test run on taking the train to Sacramento and how I’m going to do this commute for the next several months.
The writing goal is going to be at the top of the list, as I have 3 projects that have to get done before the 27th of this month, 1 that needs to be done before the 15th and several that have been sitting around for far too long. So those are a priority.
In other news, I’m done filling out all the paperwork for my internship, which makes it very real, I’m sure I’ll be getting anxious soon enough. I’ll share it all with you.
To questions I haven’t yet formulated. I recently went part time at Borders. There were a number of reasons behind the move, the biggest one being that I was unhappy. I was unhappy with the erratic schedule, the high demands, and the exceedingly low rewards for my work. Sadly, though this means I have taken a pay cut which is troublesome as my budget is tight already. For a college graduate I make very little 😛 I was okay going part time because it gave me more time to work on writing and other things, but at the same time it makes it harder to pay bills. It’s also a little premature as I was hoping to keep the full time position until March when my internship starts. That didn’t work though. I’m pretty sure I’ll be ok as soon as my tax return comes back, but I can’t file yet because the IRS isn’t ready to accept my e-file. According to the service I’m using I should be able to file by the 1oth. When it does come no problems, until then I need pinch every penny.
In the meantime I’m looking for greener pastures with some better pay.
So I’ve hit a snag in my plan to hack my life with my simple 6 step program. It is a lot easier to drop a bad habit than it is to pick up a good one. Take for instance my current project, meditating everyday, not going so well. I’ve done it one and a half times since I started it on January 15th. That isn’t very good. That is terrible! Why the difficulty? Well, the goal isn’t as simple as it sounds at first. Meditate, that’s easy enough, right? Nope, I don’t have a set time I wake up every morning, so there isn’t a set time for me to do meditation in the morning. There is a new goal right there! Before I can make meditating a habit I have to make getting up at the same time a each day a habit, this isn’t such a bad thing as I’m going into a new job that will require me to be at work the same time everyday (and it isn’t late in the afternoon 😛 ). I also live with other people who wake up at different times than me and have different schedules it can be difficult to meditate then. I’m not giving up and I’m not complaining! I just need to re-think this and come back at it again from a new angle, or perhaps set up a decent sleep schedule (Diana will be happy 😀 ). Just like I said in the original post the important thing is to not give up!