Category: video games

Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part Two

Coffee? COFFEE!

When last we left Peace Officer Sonny Bond he had just received a radio transmission from fellow Officer, Steve McStevedotter, who wanted to meet up with Sonny at Carol’s. Seeing as doing his job is almost always as a secondary duty to Officer Bond he heads that way now:

Carol’s is just west of where we were and Sonny is there pretty quick:

Maybe a little too quickly? Let’s try that again!

“Come on!”

Okay, this time Officer Bond obeys all traffic laws and manages not to crash into the back of another car:

Sonny takes a look over the menu:


I think we’ll stick to coffee. Sonny takes a seat across from Steve and tries to strike up a conversation:

Steve seems incapable of talking about anything but the weather… One wonders why he even called me here? Carol eventually arrives with my coffee:

drink coffee

Patrolling

Steve and Sonny go back to not talking. In the background the phone rings:

Oh, Steve wasn’t so much wanting to talk to us as the writer of this game couldn’t think of a better way to deliver this bit of information:

use phone

Sonny tries one last time to strike up a conversation with Steve:

*sigh*

With nothing else to do at Carol’s and with some small part of the story having been dribbled out, we leave. Sonny hits the almost perfect grid-like streets of Lytton:



The life of a Police Officer seems to consist of wasting gas, mostly.

Hot Blooded

While cruising the mindnumbingly similiar suburbs of Lytton:


“I did see it!”

F10

F10 turns your sirens on and Sonny is in hot pursuit!

That last bit of commentary is provided by the game unsolicited. I don’t want to think that the creators were being classist, sexist and bitter… But it kinda seems that way!

use radio

Sonny walks over to the car and looks in:

look woman

Hahahah! Your efforts are wasted stunningly beautiful 16-bit 2d woman! Peace Officer Sonny Bonds loves no woman!

But! If he was heterosexual:

get number

FUN FACT: The heterosexual male will do just about anything for, as you call it, “torrid sex.”

Hetero Daydreams

With the young lady’s number in his mitts Sonny heads to the closest phone he knows of (how did people live before cell phones?):

hi sexy

Hetero’s never win (except for all that stuff that they do!) Back to Gay Sonny:

“Miss, please stop. Your feminine charms are wasted on me. Now if you weighed about a hundred pounds more and had a mustache. I might be interested. License please.”

“Afraid not Miss. I’m going to have to write you a ticket”

Sonny hands back her license and the ticket to sign:

give ticket

“Stick and stones, Ma’am. You have a good day!”

Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part One

Welcome to the LPD

Now figure it out yourself!

Police Quest begins in the central room of the Lytton Police Headquarters. That’s us, Sonny Bonds, standing there stupidly.

Not that informative. Let me fill you in the top barred window is evidence the top right door leads to the briefing room, the bottom right leads to the locker the top left door leads somewhere, I forget… Anyway as a closeted homosexual Sonny hits up the lockers first:

Continue reading “Drop it Dirtbag! False(B)logic enters the World of Law Enforcement, Let’s Play Police Quest Part One”

Not a Review: Knights of the Old Republic II

I picked this game up when it first came out on PCs back in 2005. I remember playing it for about an hour or so before setting it down and forgetting about it. A few month’s back a good friend of mine mentioned on Talking Time that one of the restored content mods had just updated and that he was going to be picking the game up to play through it now that it’d been “fixed.” His comments not only reminded me I owned the game and had not yet played it, but also how much I enjoyed playing through the first game.

Anyway, that’s the boring story about how I got around to playing a game I bought eight years ago. KOTOR2 is a lot like its predecessor in that it puts the player in control of a force user in the Star Wars universe about 4000 or so years (I think?) before the events that take place in A New Hope. Except, because it is a sequel the creators felt everything had to be bigger and more of it.  I don’t usually have a problem when designers want to provide more content but in this case, and this is a consistent problem with Obsidian, their reach often exceeds their grasp. Big plans, great ideas and an inability to follow through.

The story is KOTOR2 is an attempt an an epic sweeping space opera with entangled, complex characters and there are times when you can see hints of this but and you can almost, almost, be swept up into it and be carried away. Almost, instead you’re left shaking your head and asking, “What did that character just say?”  and “Why do I care about this?” These questions are sadly left unanswered. 

In it’s defense as a follower of the Dark Side of the Force I get to shoot lightning out of my fingers at my enemies. And being Sith, everyone is my enemy. This goes a long way in my book.

The Recursive Horror that is Looking for Work

CLICK it!
Click the picture to play!

A piece of short interactive fiction by Jonathon Howard

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