Had a slight break-down tonight after getting back from work. Why, you ask? Mostly because I have no idea what I am doing with/in my life. It’s the truth, I feel drawn about 12 different ways, but I lack the motivation energy to go down any of these paths. As I sit here typing I’m asking myself when did I become so apathetic? Is this even apathy? Am I just lazy? Why am I writing boring stuff no one wants to read about? Did Snow White ever get with any of those dwarves? Were the dwarves gay? Was Snow White butch? I have to imagine a girl raised by seven gruff, smelly, half-men being really really butch. The farthest thing from a fairy tale princess I can imagine. Wearing cast off clothes, belching and cursing. Not to mention, bathing irregularly. Even with all that she was still prettier than her wicked step-mother? If that is the case the old hag must have been a real piece of work?! Why did a King, who could have any woman he wanted, pick a hideous (psychotic, shallow and vain too) hag for a wife? Maybe she had really good parenting skills? When of course it came to children other than Snow White…
You should check out the little blurb they have on the Snow White story over at Wikipedia. Follow the link because if you just try to skip to it in Firefox through the address bar it takes you straight to the page on Disney’s Snow White. In the original story the evil queen, was forced to wear heated iron shoes and then dance until she collapsed dead! That’s pretty fucked up… not that killing a child just because she looks better than you isn’t… Also the mirror started saying that Snow White looked better than the queen after Snow White turned seven!? Who thinks seven year olds are hot? According to Wiki, seven was the age a girl became a maiden. So all those maidens you read about in old books and fairy tales? All the beautiful princesses that are being romanced by and married to Princes? They are all jail bait. And those Princes? Pedophiles. Someone out there is saying it was a different time and a different place, yadda, yadda, yadda. If that is the case then there is no such thing as pedophilia. It’s just a cultural more, a subjective decision made at random. And we can’t judge them.
Another interesting note is that in most tellings of the folk tale, Snow White doesn’t end up with dwarves. That is only in the German version that the Brothers Grimm decided to write down. In all those other version it’s not some species of half-men that might not be attracted to the most beautiful maiden in the world… it’s a band of robbers. Desperate, on the lamb robbers. Are you telling me these “upstanding men of strong moral fiber” are going to respect (as a woman) the hottest piece of ass in the world, that just happened to be hand delivered to them, no strings attached? I don’t think so, which means in this lovely fairy tale, we have the first recorded pedophilic gang-bang story for children, I’m guessing it is the only one too.
And to end it in the oldest known writing down of this children’s story, it isn’t the step-mother. Nope it’s Snow White’s very own flesh and blood mother. This pillar of maternal duty doesn’t need a huntsmen either. Nope she can do her own dirty deeds. Taking her seven year old daughter into the woods to pick flowers and leaving her there. Not being a to give in either, after she discovers her daughter didn’t die. She goes back to finish the job. Once by strangling her (using a corset), then by using a poisoned comb, and then the poisoned apple. Third times a charm.
Maybe she did deserve to dance ’til she died as her feet slowly cooked in red hot iron shoes.
Oh, and did I mention that folk tales totally kick ass. I could so return to this topic over and over.
