If you scroll down to the bottom of this post you’ll see the time stamp. I realize that 2:30 in the morning isn’t all that late (or early). It is a lot later than I’ve stayed up in a good while. I’m usually in bed by 1 AM these days. I don’t know why I am not tired. I was up early, swam, worked, and etc. By all accounts I should be tired. I SHOULD be asleep in my bed, having dreams I will not recall in the morning.
But I am not.
Should I worry? How long has it been since I went off Lamictal? I think it was near the end of last summer, almost a year… I count myself lucky, in that time I can only recall one cycle. It was short lived. I like to think that everything is under my control, but I’m not that naive. It comes and goes as it chooses, I have little control over that. The question of course is, am I manic? If so, how long will I be so? How long will the depression last? How deep will it be? Maybe I’m jumping the gun and all these doubts and worries are unfounded. I hope that is the case. I’m going to keep acting as if it is, unless something happens that proves to me that it isn’t.
What do I do if it is? I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t have a contingency plan for it, even if I did in the middle of it I can’t be sure I’d follow the plan.
Finished a book today, I’d tell you what it is but then you’d know what it is I’m working on and I don’t want to ‘ruin’ it for you. When I have something substantial. Something worth sharing I might put it up here, a piece of it.
Anyway, good night.
