How much of a lifetime is spent not ‘living’? Where does one even begin to define what ‘living’ means? Self-help gurus, professionals, and, well everyone says that it is important to take advantage of the life we have to ‘live’ it to it’s fullest. Is any such thing possible though? Furthermore, how do we begin to objectively define what ‘life’ is? If it is simply a measurement of one’s own self content then there is no point in raising the issue as there can be no resolution to it either. If there is an objective way in which to measure it, it has yet to be found and those most concerned with everyone’s happiness and ability to live their lives have neglected in showing just what it means to be ‘alive’
Where am I going with this? I don’t know, it has something to do with the fact that I’m a poor, frustrated college student who can’t seem to get ahead despite all the advantages I’ve had in this life. It has something to do with the fact that after 25 years of trying to ‘live’ I find myself near to burning out. What does this say… Well about a number of things; Myself and my culture being the two most significant. Is it a failure in design? Perhaps I have a poor combination of genes, a slight shuffle or mutation of the code, that leaves me ‘unfit’ to participate under the pressure of modern day existence. Or is it our culture? Is it not my failure to adapt but, American societies failure to? Perhaps we have reached the point of diminishing returns and I am just one of many who has found the “New American Way” to be an impossibility?
I don’t know. There most likely isn’t a simple answer. If there is I cannot see it. I do know though that I am always exhuasted yet can never sleep. That while my body is largely numb, my mind is never still. That somehow I have cobbled together a system wherein I can operate in society without ever feeling as if I am part of it…
