Why is it so easy for us to unburden ourselves to strangers? A conversation on a plane or train will lead to a heart to heart conversation with the person beside you, who you have known for only the extent of the trip. Afterwards you both walk away from the encounter never to see each other again but holding the deep secrets of the other in your palm. Yet your family does not know, nor your spouse or significant other. These strangers hold secrets you won’t tell, couldn’t tell them.
But, why?
I’m not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist. I haven’t even had the “pleasure” of taking any psych classes here at UCD. My sole qualifications for my following comments are the ones we all have. I am human and I’ve dealt with the same issue. I’m seeing a therapist. Which is the same thing except now one of the strangers is getting paid. So without further ado my non-scientific theory. Fear. That is the sum of it. The stranger cannot hurt you or reject you. The stranger because he/she is alien to you and your social network has no bearing on it. It is just a person listening. This is not the same with family, friends or lovers. These are people who are deeply involved with you, connections that have roots deep within your emotional center. The consequences of their rejection or anger or even dismissal is equal to a rejection/dismissal of you.
No wonder we are such adept liars, or deceivers. It stems not from a poor character but from a sensitive one, one afraid of losing the small good that it has. An insecure soul who sees the shortcomings of itself in such a distorted sense that they will always outweigh the love and acceptance of those most important to it.
I wish I had an answer to these souls. Some easy trick or exercise which would allow them to shed their insecurities and enjoy the relationships they have with renewed vigor and strength, which can come from open honest communication. Regardless of the content of that communication. There is no simple pill though. Only the painful process of opening yourself to pain and rejection in order to find that love and acceptance.
The best of luck to all of us, and remember at some point we all will be the one looking for it.
